Saying Goodbye
by cowbell2011
Summary: Sara has something to say to Catherine before she leaves for DC. Will it change her plans or will she leave anyway?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Just a little one shot that popped into my head tonight. Set around Catherine's last episode in season 12, Willows in the Wind.**

* * *

'Sara...Sara...Can you hear me?'

It takes me a few minutes to realise that I'm being spoken to. I look blankly at Greg as he stands above me waiting for an answer. Wait, standing above me? I take in my surroundings in more detail this time only to discover that I'm on the floor in the locker room, my knees drawn up to my waist. Reluctantly I raise my hand to my face, already knowing I'll find tears there. My shock at finding myself on the floor quickly fades as I reach up with both hands and pull myself into a standing position by grabbing the handle of my locker. Once I'm level with Greg I wipe away my tears, not even bothering to hide the fact they are there. He's still standing next to me with an extremely concerned expression on his face and I guess now is the time where I should start explaining myself. Except that I really don't want to explain myself right now, not ever in fact. I shoot the poor guy what I hope is a grateful glance for even bothering to try and find out what's wrong with me before attempting to squeeze past him and escape the confines of the locker room. He's too quick for me however, and grabs me round my left wrist just when I think I'm close enough to the door to have made it. With a flick of his wrist he's pulled me back towards him and has embraced me in a great big bear hug before I can even think about reacting or pulling away.

'I love you like a sister Sara. I'm here for you when you want to talk about it.'

The feeling of his arms wrapped tightly around me only seem to make things worse. It's been a long time since anybody hugged me like that. Sure, I hugged Catherine a few hours ago when she told us all she was leaving, but well...we won't go there. And besides, that was nothing like this hug. This is Greg letting me know that he wants to help. Not that I'm sure he could anyway. I'm pretty sure I'm beyond help. He pulls back slightly and looks at me as he bites his bottom lip, apparently deep in thought. It looks like there's something he wants to say but is too scared to say it so I raise one eyebrow at him in an obvious hint to spit it out.

'Do you...uh...do you want me to get Grissom on the phone?'

I scoff loudly and because of our proximity he flinches at the sudden noise and movement from me. He looks even more confused about the whole situation now and I do feel slightly sorry for him. Here he is trying to cheer me up and make sure I'm alright and all I can do is communicate in noises and tears.

'Grissom is the last person I should be talking to right now, _believe_ me.'

Greg must be able to sense my apprehension because he pulls me back into another fierce hug. I can smell his aftershave as he squeezes me even tighter and I curse myself for letting even more tears fall. The shoulder of his shirt is fast becoming wet so I try to pull away before I completely ruin it. He lets me go, reluctantly I can tell by the way he keeps his hands resting on my shoulders, and forces me to look in square in the eye. I have trouble holding his gaze for long though because I can see the love and worry radiating from him in waves and it only makes me want to spill my guts to him. I can't do that though, not yet, so I break the connection and take a large step away from him. He looks hurt for a millisecond before his concern for me takes over once again and he offers me a comforting smile instead.

'Anytime Sara, day or night. I really mean that.'

The silence stretches on between me as I don't trust myself to talk right now and Greg seems to have run out of reassuring things to say without repeating himself. I guess he decides to leave me to it because he gives my shoulders one last squeeze before slamming his locker shut and making for the door. I make a split second decision right there and then. I don't know if it'll be the right one, but for the sake of my own sanity I think it's something I need to do.

'Hey, Greg?'

He's halfway out the door when I call him back and he steps back into the locker room with an enquiring look in his eyes. It's almost hopeful, like he's wondering if I've changed my mind and am ready to talk to him. Well guess what Greggo, it's your lucky day. Throwing my CSI vest into my own locker and retrieving my purse and keys, I walk slowly up to who I consider my best friend and offer a weak smile.

'How about we go get a coffee? I...I think I need somebody to talk to.'

* * *

'So wait...you just left her there on her own? Some gentleman you are!'

I throw a small piece of pancake at a blushing Greg as he finishes telling me about his failed date from the previous weekend. I know it's not really his fault that he got called to a scene half way through dinner but I can't help but tease him about it. Not that my love life is in any better shape right now. I can't even remember the last time I saw Grissom never mind went to dinner with him and, well...the _other_ thing is just too crazy and messed up to explain.

'Hey...you know as well as I do the kind of crazy hours we work. Anyway...I thought we were here to talk about you? What's going on Sar?'

I sigh deeply and can't help but look down into my coffee as my mind is brought back to the reason we are here having breakfast in the first place. For a moment I had forgotten I was going to tell him, but I'm brought crashing back down to earth with an almighty bump as I raise my head to see him staring expectantly at me waiting for some kind of explanation. OK, well here goes...

'I think...no...I know I'm in love.'

I can see the confusion spreading across his face at my comment, like I knew it would. I was being deliberately vague, misleading him and allowing him to think exactly what I know he is currently thinking in an attempt at prolonging the inevitable.

'Um...you know that we've all known about you and Grissom for years right? I kinda guessed you would be in love with him.'

Now this is the part that I have trouble saying out loud. I only recently admitted it to myself, so to have to say it to Greg is going to be a big step for me. I take a deep breath to calm my nerves, which has absolutely no effect whatsoever. Maybe if I just say it it'll be like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I'll feel better about the whole situation?

'No...I'm in love with Catherine.'

Or maybe not.

The look on Greg's face when I finally come clean is priceless. If I wasn't so stressed right now I'd find his expression pretty funny. It's a mixture between shocked, confused and turned on. It's obvious to me that he doesn't know how to process what I've just told him, and his immature brain is likely picturing various scenarios involving Catherine and I too. Hey, it's Greg. I'd be concerned if he wasn't. I take along, leisurely sip of my now lukewarm coffee whilst I wait for him to compose myself. Strangely I feel myself calming down a little now that I've got this information off my chest and confided in somebody else.

'What uh...I mean...what?'

I smirk at his less than eloquent reply. However since it's the first time this week that I've smiled I decide to cut the guy some slack and start being a little less vague.

'Catherine Willows. I'm in love with her. Have been for a few months now. So her leaving has hit me pretty hard. I guess that's why you found me crying in the locker room.'

Greg's shock seems to wear off a little as I explain myself more fully. And then his open mouthed gape slowly turns into a wide grin and now I'm certain that he's picturing various scenarios; none of them PG rated. I smack him lightly on the arm and send him a warning glance to let him know that now is not the time. I'm sure he's got plenty of spare time to do that sort of fantasising when he's not in my presence.

'OK but seriously Sara, wow. Does she know?'

Luckily I'm not taking a sip of my coffee at that point because if I had it would certainly have been spit out in Greg's face as I stare at him wide eyed in fear.

'No way. No no no. Does it look like I have a death wish? Besides, she was bonking that FBI guy. What would she see in me?'

I can hear Greg laughing now, but I fail to see what is so funny about this situation so I glare at him with what I hope is my mad face.

'Bonking? Seriously Sara what are you, ten years old?'

I can't help but pout at him as he pokes fun at me. Despite the fact that he is teasing me, at least my mood has lifted slightly and I marvel at my best friend's ability to pull me out of a bad mood so easily.

'You won't tell anyone will you?'

I must sound like a scared little child then, because I sure feel like one. Greg picks up on it too because his face suddenly becomes serious and he puts down his last forkful of pancake in order to reach across the table and grasp both of my hands in his.

'Of course not Sara. But you need to tell one more person. Catherine.'

If it was possible to die from fear then I would be a goner right now because just the mere thought of having to tell Catherine how I feel makes me want to die. I don't even know what I would say to her but I know that there's only one possible outcome to the conversation and it doesn't end with me being happy. Greg has pulled a pen from his inside jacket pocket and is busy copying something down from his phone onto a napkin. He must sense my confusion because he hands it to me with a smirk.

'Catherine's flight information. If you leave now you can still catch her.'

I hold the napkin up gingerly between us by the corner as if it was on fire. It's not that I don't _want_ to tell her as such, it's just that...OK I don't want to tell her. She'll laugh at me then get on the plane anyway. At least if I don't tell her then she'll get on the plane without laughing at me.

'Sara, you _have _to tell her. What have you got to lose?'

'My marriage?'

I snap at him and immediately feel guilty at the hurt look on his face because I know he's only trying to help me. Sighing, I signal to the waitress for another couple of coffees as I lean back in my chair.

'Sorry Greg. You know ever since I realised I love her I haven't once thought about what this would do to Grissom? And do you know why that is? Because since I realised I love Catherine I've only spoken to Gil once on the phone? Does that make me a bad person?'

The tears are threatening to fall again but the last thing I want to do is start crying in public so I wipe furiously at my eyes and force my emotions back beneath the surface.

'You're not a bad person Sara. I couldn't do what you've been doing for so long. Long distance relationships are hard. And the heart wants what it wants right? Please, tell her before she leaves. I guarantee you will regret it if you don't.'

Sure, I know he's right. What he's saying makes sense. But it's easier said than done right? I mean, I could tell her and what is going to happen? The only scenario that works for me is if she declared her love for me and stayed in Vegas. But that isn't going to happen. Worst case, she'll laugh at me then tell everybody and it'll get back to Grissom. Then my marriage will be over too. Oh who am I kidding? My marriage has been over for a long time.

'I don't know if I can Greg.'

He drains the rest of his coffee and presses the napkin containing Catherine's flight details into my hand. One kiss on the top of my head and he's gone, throwing a few bills onto the table to cover his half of the food in the process. Opening my hand I stare down at Greg's scrawled handwriting, contemplating his advice. Can I really tell her how I feel?

I think I can.

* * *

I get to the airport without much trouble. Its mid morning so most people are already at either work or the casinos. Finding Catherine's flight is another matter entirely. Greg's handwriting is messy and I can't read the last two digits of the flight number, and there are two flights leaving for DC at the same time. And wouldn't you know it, they're at opposite ends of the airport. Taking a gamble I choose the top one of the two and begin to make my way to the gate. In true movie style fashion I'm forced to buy a ticket to get through airport security and I wait impatiently as the attendant puts in my details. One way ticket to Chicago in hand, I sprint the remaining distance to Catherine's gate and hang back at the entrance to catch my breath, looking around frantically for her distinguishable red hair. I spot her towards the front of the queue but have a sudden attack of nerves. I stare back at the exit longingly before berating myself silently. I've come this far, I'll damn well see it through to the end now.

'Catherine! Catherine, wait!'

She turns her head in my direction but doesn't see me straight away due to the sheer amount of people between us. I wave my hand in the air as I call her name again and this time she sees me, confusion in her eyes as she's obviously wondering why I'm here. I motion for her to leave the queue and join me at the nearby seating which she does thankfully. I don't think I could have done this with an audience. Sitting down beside me she places a warm hand on my knee, concern written all over her features.

'Sara what's wrong? Has something happened? Are you alright?'

Feeling brave I cover her hand with my own, massively elated when she doesn't even flinch at the contact. Squeezing lightly I take a deep breath and look her in the eyes. God, her eyes are beautiful. They're so expressive, like a window to her soul. I can always tell what's going on with her if I look deeply enough, but lately I've been scared to for fear I'll fall even deeper.

'No, nothing like that. It's just...there's something I wanted to tell you before you left. And it's kind of hard so you'll have to bear with me.'

She shakes her head and bites her bottom lip while waiting for me to continue. It's a sexy look on her and distracts me from what I'm actually here to do for a minute until I notice that the queue for her flight is getting smaller and smaller, giving me less and less time to get this done.

'OK here's the thing. The thing is...recently I've been feeling...OK. Catherine, you're a wonderful woman. You're kind and caring and beautiful. And recently I came to realise that, I've fallen in love with you. I don't expect anything from you. I don't want you to change your plans or anything, I just wanted you to know.'

I find a rather interesting spot on the floor and stare at it avidly while I wait for either the laughter or shouting to start. When neither happens and I can still feel her hand on my knee I decide to take a chance and look at her. To my complete and utter surprise, there are tears in her eyes and she's looking at me with such emotion that it stuns me into silence for a moment.

'Dammit Sidle, you don't half pick your moments.'

'Huh?'

That one word is all I can manage right now. I'm not even sure you could classify those three letters as a word but still, it's all I can manage. She's not shouting, she's not laughing. If anything she seems upset.

'I love you too Sara. I have for quite a while now.'

Wow. Now that, I did not expect. I seem to have been struck dumb by her confession because all I can do is stare at her with my mouth hanging open. I must look _so_ attractive right now. She giggles slightly, something which I find highly sexy and her hand rides up past my knee onto my thigh.

'Don't leave.'

The words are out of my mouth before my brain even registers that I've thought about saying them and immediately I regret it. I swore I wouldn't come here to try and change her plans. But when I swore that, I was convinced she would never feel the same way about me so I guess I'm just getting a little bit carried away in the moment. Catherine leans closer to me and rests her forehead on my shoulder. I can hear her breathing heavily as she seems to have some sort of internal debate with herself. Finally she raises her head to look at me and I know this is going to end the way I was so convinced it would at the very beginning. There's a look of such sorrow in her eyes that wouldn't be there if there was going to be a happy ending in this.

'I'm sorry Sara, I can't. I have to leave. Too much has happened here for me to stay.'

I'm blinking away the tears for what feels like the millionth time that day when I feel her hands on my cheeks and before I realise what's happening she's pulled me in for the sweetest kiss I have ever experienced. Her lips are soft and seem to fit perfectly against mine. The kiss sends shivers through my entire body and even when it's over I can't bring myself to open my eyes straight away. When I finally do, Catherine is now standing with her bag in hand and tears running freely down her cheeks. She bends down to place one more kiss on my lips before whispering against my skin, her warm breath tickling me.

'Don't forget me Sara. Please don't forget me.'

And just like that she's gone. She doesn't even look back as she goes through the gate but I think that's probably a good thing because if I had to look at those eyes one more time I don't think I could survive this experience. It's touch and go whether I'll get through it as it is. I was barely keeping it together when I knew she was leaving but I thought I didn't stand a chance. Now she's leaving and I know she loves me, I'm just about ready to fall apart.

'I won't forget you Catherine. Never.'

Only the empty waiting room hears my words as they are whispered into the air and I take one last lingering look at Catherine's plane as it flies into the air, taking the love of my life with it.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I hadn't intended to write another chapter for this but since it's been so well received I have been persuaded. So thank you to everyone who reviewed the first chapter urging me to continue, I hope you all enjoy this one just as much :)**

* * *

I sit in the darkest corner of the bar nursing my drink and watching her. I've been watching her like this for the last three nights and she's yet to notice me. When I first arrived here I wasn't sure if I would be able to find her, and it took an entire night of trawling bar after bar before I found the right one and then a three hour wait before she finally appeared. It's a year since she left Vegas and since then we've exchanged sporadic e-mails. Mostly just talking about work, but when I knew I was going to be attending the CSI conference in DC I subtly turned the topic of our correspondence to her social life and managed to get enough of a description of the bar she frequents to recognise it as soon as I found it in some quiet corner of her neighbourhood.

Each night I've watched as she's drunk herself into a stupor on her own with the most sorrowful look on her face. The first night I didn't make my presence known because I was so shocked at seeing her after so long that I simply wanted to take in her beauty and deal with the emotion it stirred in me without having to form coherent sentences. She looks even better than I remembered, if that is even possible. The second night I wanted to speak to her but I was already pretty drunk by the time she turned up and I didn't want our reunion to be ruined by my intoxication so here I am for the third night in a row, watching as she downs her second whisky. I don't know why I'm finding it so hard to go and talk to her but the decision is finally made for me when I see this tall dark and handsome guy in an expensive suit leaning against the bar far too close to her for my liking. Downing the rest of my drink I amble over ready to interrupt at just the right moment.

'...come on baby let's go back to mine.'

I push myself between this loser and the woman of my dreams, elbowing him not so subtly as I place my back to him and plaster a wide smile on my face.

'Can I buy you a drink miss?'

I watch as the anger fades from her face when she recognises my voice and her eyes whip up from the bottom of her glass to look at me for the first time in a year. The anger turns to first shock and then happiness before she engulfs me in a tight embrace, the annoying guy completely forgotten.

'Oh my God, Sara.'

The feeling of her body pressed against mine is just indescribable. I'm not going to lie and say I haven't been with anybody else since she left, but they were all meaningless one night stands with more than a passing resemblance to the woman whose arms are currently wrapped around my neck. I've tried to move on but it wasn't working, and the emotions that I'm feeling right now as I rub my hands up and down her back only serve to prove that. Images of our one and only kiss in the airport all those months ago flash through my mind, and when our embrace finally ends, she's slipped off her barstool and is standing so close in my personal space that I can feel her breath on my chin.

'What are you doing here? God, I mean, I've missed you...so much. How are you?'

Her voice is barely a whisper but it's the only thing I can hear right now despite us being in the middle of a crowded bar. Everything else has faded into the background as I look deeply into her eyes and the urge to kiss her is almost overwhelming. I take a step back and clear my throat in order to break the trance that appears to have fallen over us. The last thing I want to do after not seeing her for a year is jump her in public. I mean, I'm certain my feelings are still as strong as ever but I have no idea what her feelings are right now. For all I know she might be with somebody. I push that thought to the side immediately because it makes me feel slightly ill.

'I'm here for the forensics conference. And yeah...yeah. I'm good. How...how are you?'

There's a long moment of silence as we simply stare into each other's eyes. The tension between us could be cut with a knife and I'm left in no doubt now as to her continued feelings for me. Her glance keeps flashing down to my lips as she bites her own between her teeth in a gesture that's so fucking sexy I seriously think I'll have to sit on my own hands to stop myself from touching her if she keeps it up. Thankfully for me though, we're interrupted from our eye fucking session by some guy behind Catherine stumbling and knocking into her back. This causes her in turn to stumble forward as well and I move quickly to catch her in my arms so that she doesn't fall. Of course, this now means she's pressed fully up against me again, her lips mere millimetres away from mine. The temptation is becoming too much so I place her back on her feet and take an even healthier step away from her this time. My query on how she's been is completely forgotten by both of us at this point as I order two more drinks and find us some proper seats at a table. Now the initial shock of seeing her has worn off we're able to have a conversation without me wanting to pounce on her and before we realise it, the place is closing down around us and it's time to go home. Or, in my case, go back to the hotel.

'How long are you in town for?'

The question catches me off guard while we're waiting for a cab. We had settled into a comfortable silence and my thoughts had once again wandered to our kiss the last time I had seen her.

'Huh? Oh...three more days. I have to attend the rest of the conference then I have a meeting on Friday with some corporate big wigs who are going to try to sell me every forensic tool under the sun.'

She smiles knowingly at my explanation. She's been there many a time when she was supervisor back in Vegas. Hell, the only reason I'm here and not Russell is because the sheriff wanted him on some high profile case. Of course, I jumped at the chance to go, knowing I wouldn't be able to visit DC without looking up Catherine. I'm brought from my thoughts by her suddenly grabbing my hand and caressing one of my fingers. Ah, I wondered how long it would take her to notice that.

'You're not wearing your wedding ring.'

It's more of a statement than a question but I still feel inclined to explain myself. After all, I was still technically married when I confessed my love to her, and that's a pretty shitty thing to do, even if my marriage was already over at the time.

'After you left, I asked Gil for a divorce. He knew it was coming, it just took a while for one of us to get the courage to say it out loud.'

She continues to caress the empty space on my finger where my wedding ring used to be. The Vegas sun has long since taken away the tan line.

'I'm sorry.'

'No you're not. And you shouldn't be either. Neither am I. The heart wants what it wants.'

I remember a time when Greg spoke those exact words to me and smile at the memory. He and I have grown so close over the past year and he's been like a rock to me while I've been trying to live without Catherine in my life. She smiles at my remark and nods, which I take to be the end of that conversation. I'm going to assume that she's also single now, because that would have been the perfect time to mention it if she wasn't and I know she's not the type of person who would mislead me over that sort of thing.

'Do you uh...I mean would you like to...ugh god dammit.'

She runs her hands through her hair and I watch her intently, seeing how nervous she is. I take a step closer to her and place a hand on her arm in what is supposed to be a calming gesture but in actuality only serves to make both of us even more nervous. Catherine seems to find some composure from somewhere though as she tries her sentence again.

'Would you like to stay with me until you go back? I've got a spare room, and I know how you are about hotel rooms.'

The question hangs in the air between us as I ponder whether or not that would be a good idea. On the one hand, I'd love to stay with Catherine for the next three nights. However, when she left Vegas I was a mess for a long time, in fact I still mostly am. What will happen to me if something happens while I'm here and then I have to leave her to go back? I don't think I could handle that. My brain seems to have other ideas however as I find myself smiling and nodding an acceptance to her offer before I even realise what I'm doing. Brilliant. I leave her when her cab arrives with an awkward hug and a promise to call her in the morning to arrange to move my stuff from my hotel to her apartment. Somehow I know the next three days are going to be interesting.

* * *

There are no other words to describe the last two days apart from complete and utter hell. The conference has been even more boring than I anticipated and staying with Catherine has been...interesting to say the least. Nothing has happened between us, but the tension has been increasing steadily. We haven't spoken at all about what's happening (or not, as the case may be) between us. For my part I'm too scared to bring it up because I know what's going to happen in the end. There have been a couple of times where I thought Catherine might be trying to say something so I quickly changed the direction of the conversation onto a safer topic. Tonight is the last night that I'll be staying with her. Tomorrow morning I have my meeting then I'll be going straight to the airport from there. I throw the spare key Catherine has given me onto the coffee table as I arrive at her apartment and collapse onto the couch. The conference has been draining because it was so boring and I figure I'll try to catch a quick nap before Catherine gets in. It feels like a matter of seconds after I place my arm over my eyes before a soft hand is pulling it away again and I open my eyes to find my red haired beauty standing over me.

'Hey there sleepy head, fancy some dinner and wine?'

I sit up slowly and shift up so that there's space on the couch for her to sit down. It's only then that I notice she's already made dinner and the wine she was referring to is uncorked and ready to go. This woman really is perfect.

'Cath, you didn't have to do all this.'

'You're right. I didn't have to, but I wanted to. So eat.'

She hands me the plate and the first forkful finds its way to my mouth eagerly. It smells and tastes delicious and I can't help the moan that escapes me at just how good it is. I notice half way through chewing my mouthful that Catherine is looking at me with a startled expression on her face, her own fork abandoned halfway between her mouth and plate. Uh-oh. I think my moan has had an adverse effect on her judging by the deep crimson blush that is currently finding its way across her cheeks. Slowly I take another bite, savouring this one as much I did the first and my suspicions are confirmed when her eyes widen and her mouth drops open even further. I know I shouldn't be doing this, but it feels good to have her desire for me so blatantly on display. I take one more bite before taking pity on her and putting my half eaten plate of food back down on the coffee table.

'Something wrong Catherine?'

I smirk at her but she doesn't respond, simply continuing to stare at me. I think I might have broken her. The plate she's holding seems to be in danger of toppling off her lap because apparently she's forgotten all about it so I grab it before we have an almighty mess on our hands and place it next to mine on the table. When I turn back to face her I realise I'm in big trouble. Her expression of surprise has turned to one of lust and I can't help but feel like she's a predator and I'm her prey.

'Cath...'

I don't get any further with my sentence, which is good because I have no idea what I was going to say anyway. She's pounced on me before I have a chance to react and has pushed me back so I'm lying on my back on the couch with her on top of me. Our lips haven't quite met but her face is so close to mine I can feel her breath on my lips. I feel like I should say something, anything, to stop her but I've wanted this for as long as I can remember and the lust has seriously clouded my judgement. It's me that finally closes the remaining distance between us, engaging her in a searing kiss that would have had me reduced to a quivering mess had I not already been lying down. I shift slightly so that I can wrap my legs around her waist in order to pull her even closer. This elicits the sexiest moan from her that I have ever heard and from that point on I'm a goner. Without breaking our contact I stand up, pulling her with me and blindly lead her to the bedroom.

* * *

When I wake up in the morning the first thing I notice is the body draped across my own and the head tucked lovingly into my neck. The second thing I notice is the aching I feel in my entire body from the intense love making Catherine and I shared the previous night. It was unlike anything I have ever experienced, and we only stopped because I couldn't physically move anymore after my sixth orgasm. I'm certain she erm..._enjoyed_ it as much as I did, and as I look down and see the various marks she's left on my body my suspicions are only confirmed. Boy, can this woman have sex. On some level she must sense that I've woken up because she stirs also, turning her head to place a kiss on my neck before rolling off me to snuggle into my side.

'Morning baby. You alright? You look puzzled.'

I pull her tighter against me as I decide how to answer that question. I don't want to ruin the bliss of the previous night or this morning, but the reality is that I have to leave in an hour before going back to Vegas this afternoon. She's got her life here now and I've got my life there. This was a one night thing and I think she already knows that too, but having to say it out loud is just too painful for her at the moment.

'I have to leave in an hour Catherine.'

She buries her head into my neck when I speak and it's not long before I feel a wetness on my skin from her crying. This is exactly the reason why I originally thought staying with her would be a bad idea. Now that we've given in to temptation, it's going to be so much harder to say goodbye to her. I caress her hair lightly and whisper soothing words into her ear until she calms down. Kissing her softly I manage to extricate myself from her grip and begin pulling my clothes on, forgoing the shower. The last thing I need right now is to spend more time naked in Catherine's presence.

'Don't go.'

The two words stop me in my tracks as I'm doing up the buttons of my shirt. It strikes me how our roles have been reversed from last year when it was her leaving and me begging her not to go. I finish doing up my shirt and lie back down on the bed next to her. Wiping her tears away I kiss each cheek softly before tangling my hand in her hair and pulling her in for another kiss. I just can't resist. She pulls away after a moment and looks at me with tears in her eyes.

'Please.'

'Catherine...you knew this was going to happen. You have to stay here...I have to go back.'

The sob that escapes her makes me want to take her into my arms and never let go. By now the tears are falling freely down my own cheeks as well as hers. I kiss her once more and rise from the bed to pull on my shoes. As soon as I'm out of her reach she pulls a pillow to her chest to replace me, sobbing freely into it. The sight breaks my heart. No wait, it completely shatters my heart into a million pieces. I never in my entire life thought I would ever walk away from the woman I'm madly in love with, but as I grab my suitcase from the corner of the room and open the front door to Catherine's apartment, that's exactly what I do.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: This really is the end of this now! Thanks for your positive responses to this fic and convincing me to write the extra two chapters. I hope this is the end you all wanted :P Also, barring any emergencies I should be updating Let's Talk About Sara tonight too :)**

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It's been six weeks since I came back from the conference in DC, leaving Catherine behind in the process. We haven't exchanged a single e-mail since then. I haven't sent her any because I'm assuming she's mad at me for leaving and I haven't received any from her, only serving to prove my point that she doesn't want to speak to me. The loss I'm feeling in my life from the lack of contact is like losing an arm. I'm finding it hard to cope with even the most simple of everyday tasks. I've managed to just about keep it together at work, but the guys are starting to suspect something is wrong. I often turn up late, with bags under my eyes and unkempt hair or clothes. Only Greg knows the truth of course, and he's doing his best to try and cheer me up but I'm trying just as hard to push him away. He doesn't know what happened while I was away; if I have to talk about it I think it'll tip me over the edge.

'Baby, come back to bed.'

Ah, and there is the other reason I've been trying to push Greg away recently. Since my return to Vegas I've stepped up my mission to sleep with every Catherine look alike in the vicinity. It's not that I'm trying to get over her, but for the few hours I spend with these women, I can close my eyes and almost pretend that it's her here with me. Most of the time it doesn't actually work, and as soon as they open their mouth I'm brought crashing back down to earth and am enveloped with this crushing guilt, like I'm cheating on Catherine by sleeping with these women. This is a ridiculous notion since we aren't actually together but I feel it nonetheless. When I was in DC Catherine told me that she hasn't slept with anybody else since she left Vegas because she found it too painful to be with anybody that wasn't me. I guess I'm at the other end of the scale, and that thought makes me hate myself.

'Baby, please. I want to have you at least once more before you make me leave.'

The idea of sleeping with this woman again before I kick her out of my apartment almost repulses me, and I have to bite my tongue to prevent myself from voicing my thoughts out loud. I look over at her as she lies naked in my bed from my position at the window and flick the rest of my cigarette out the open window. It falls down into the parking lot and lands a few feet away from my car where I then lose it among the many other used butts gathering there. The torrential rain that has been falling since yesterday has begun to wash the pile slowly towards the gutter at the front of my parking space and dimly I hope that they disappear into the hole before Greg comes round again trying to get me out of the apartment. If he sees that I've started smoking again it'll just be one more thing for him to nag at me for.

'Are you even listening to me?'

It isn't lost on me that this woman has yet to call me by my name and the fact that I haven't got a clue what hers is either just makes the situation even more depressing. She's not as similar to Catherine as other women I've slept with. The hair is the right shade of red with just the right amount of blonde highlights but she's not the right height and she doesn't carry the same confidence that the love of my life does. But then, she could be identical in height, weight and mannerisms but she still wouldn't be Catherine. I look subtly around my bedroom to see where this latest woman's clothes have fallen as I prepare to ask her to leave when there's a knock at the door. I sigh loudly, not caring that she will assume (quite correctly too) that I'm pissed off whoever is at the door is going to find out she's here. It's more than likely going to be Greg anyway; he's the only person that ever comes to my apartment. I pick up the woman's clothes on my way out the room and throw them at her on the bed as I go to the front door, barely even noticing the dirty look she shoots me as her clothes hit her squarely on the chest. The knocking is becoming more insistent now and I'm pretty certain that it's not Greg because normally he just rings me if I don't open the door after the first knock. I rule out any of the other guys from work because I know from Grissom that they're all working some big important case at the moment so they won't have time to pay me any social calls. The only reason I'm not working the same case is because I begged for some vacation time. I had to lie and say that a friend back in California was in the hospital but the truth is I just can't face work anymore. As I pull open the front door I realise that only leaves one other person who knows where I live.

'Catherine.'

Well shit.

I blink a few times to make sure she's actually there and not a figment of my imagination but she doesn't disappear so I'll have to assume she's really here. She's looking just as good as she did the day I left her in DC and she's wearing one of those tailored business suits that I always loved her in. The only thing missing from this outfit is her glasses. But wait, I shouldn't be checking her out right now I should be asking why she's here. Specifically, why she had to turn up while I had some no named Catherine look alike in my bed. Her timing is just brilliant.

'You gonna let me in?'

I'm really in the shit here. I could always say no and shut the door in her face but I don't think I could physically bring myself to do that. Another option is talking her into going out somewhere but she's got her bags with her and I'll be damned if I'm leaving that woman alone in my apartment so my only option is to face the music and let Catherine in to meet her attempted replacement.

This isn't going to go well.

'Uh yeah...yeah of course. Come in.'

I hold the door open far enough for her to walk through and it isn't lost on me that she purposefully brushes past me as she enters. The feelings that the contact stirs in me cause me to shiver and I mentally berate myself for allowing her to affect me so easily. The scent of her perfume as she passes wafts through the air too. It's undeniably Catherine, though if you asked me to name it I wouldn't have a clue. I hear a noise from my bedroom that sounds like my conquest helping herself to some of my perfume and I can tell by the confused look on Catherine's face that she heard it too. The moment of truth is fast approaching and I still have no idea how to handle this.

'Look Catherine, there's something I need to...'

'Who's she?'

Too late.

Mystery woman has left the safety of my bedroom and is now standing at the opposite end of my living room, cell phone in one hand and my bottle of perfume in the other. I sense rather than see Catherine tense beside me and stand up tall ready for confrontation. It's one of the things I love about her, she's so feisty and sexy and...alright, getting off track here.

'I'm Catherine Willows. But I should be asking who the hell you are.'

Uh-oh. Mystery girl is looking at me as if I'm supposed to explain her presence to Catherine. And here I was hoping I could get rid of her without having to reveal that I have no clue what her name is. I gesture helplessly in her general direction as my mouth opens and closes without any sounds whatsoever coming out of it. When it becomes obvious to her that I can't remember her name she huffs dramatically and stalks towards Catherine and I. Really, I don't know why she's getting so mad, I know that she doesn't remember my name either. A quick glance in Catherine's direction lets me know she's taking this all in her stride and reacting remarkably better than I expected her to. I know better than to think this will be over with mystery girl's departure though. I'm sure we'll be having words about this, as well as what happened between us in DC too.

'I'm the girl who was going to get a good fucking tonight until _you_ showed up. Who wears that crap anymore anyway?'

Oh she did not just shit all over Catherine's fashion sense. Clearly this woman has a death wish because I know from personal experience that if you want a slow and painful death then this is the way to go. I glance at Catherine again to see the amusement has now gone out of her eyes and has been replaced by a fire I'm all too familiar with.

'Oh sweetie. You think Sara could ever possibly be satisfied with _you?_'

It takes mystery girl a minute to click on that I am in fact Sara and I can't help but be slightly embarrassed that I actually thought it would be a good idea to take this girl home with me. She tries to bite back at Catherine but the love of my life is on a roll now and doesn't give her the chance to interrupt.

'Take a look at yourself darling. You're like a younger but uglier and trashier version of me. Clearly Sara's been trying to fill the void I left. But I'm back now so you can just run along back to wherever you came from.'

And just like that with a flick of her wrist this woman is dismissed, although she doesn't realise it yet. She tries again to come back with some sort of retort but Catherine just completely turns her back on her and faces me with a small smirk on her face. Jesus I love this woman.

'Wanna go get a couple drinks babe?'

I can only nod stupidly as words fail me at this moment in time. I know everything's not as rosy between us as Catherine's behaviour is suggesting right now; that she's just putting on a show for this girl to get rid of her but boy do I love this side of her. I send mystery girl one more meaningful glance and she finally gets the hint, storming out of my still open front door without so much as another word. My gaze finds its way back to Catherine in no time at all and I find her still smirking at me when something suddenly hits me and I race to my front door.

'Hey, my perfume!'

* * *

'Soooooo, why are you here Catherine?'

The silence between us had stretched on for quite some time as we both searched for something to say in the bottom of our coffee cups and the question had been on the tip of my tongue ever since she appeared at my front door an hour ago. I admit, I could have worded it a little better but in my eagerness to know the answer it just kind of slipped out. I can tell by the way she narrows her eyes slightly and purses her lips that she's not too happy about it either. But she can't just turn up on my doorstep like this without an explanation. It hurts too much for one thing.

'Can't I just come and see you?'

Alright, that's the most implausible explanation ever. You don't just 'pop by' to visit your friend/lover/whatever we are when you live up in DC. There's a reason she's here and I want to know what it is. I'm still clinging to the faint hope that she's come back for good.

'Catherine...'

She looks intently at me then, biting her bottom lip which I've always found incredibly sexy. I can tell she's contemplating whether or not to tell me the truth or continue avoiding the subject. I decide to up the stakes by slipping the shoe off my left foot and running my sock clad toes over the back of her calf. She obviously isn't expecting the contact because she jumps like she's just been electrocuted and stares at me with wide eyes. I know I shouldn't really be doing this. We haven't talked about what happened in DC, and she'll probably be leaving again in a few days but I just can't help myself around her.

'Uh...uh Sara? What are you doing?'

I raise my foot a little higher so my toes are caressing the back of her knee through the fabric of her trousers. I feel her widen her legs a little and chuckle at the response I'm getting from her. I love that I can affect her like this, but I love that she can affect me even more and she hasn't even touched me.

'Just stretching my legs. So...you were telling me what brings you to Vegas?'

By now my toes are caressing the inside of her thigh and I can see that she's really struggling to concentrate on what she's saying. I decide to take pity on her and put my foot back into my shoe, but only because I really want to know why she's here. We can continue _that_ back at my place if she's willing.

'How many others have there been?'

The question takes me by surprise and wipes the grin off my face. I knew we would have to have this conversation at some point. Damn. I suppose the only thing to do is be completely honest with her. Despite the guilt I feel, we aren't actually together after all.

'A few. Does that bother you?'

I neglect to add 'but I was thinking of you the entire time' because I don't think it'll really help the situation right now.

'Did they always have more than a passing resemblance to me?'

She looks shyly up at me and I can tell by the playful look in her eyes that I'm in the clear. I had presumed that since she hadn't been with anybody else she might have thought I'd do the same but I guess I should have known better. I can only nod in reply to her question, not trusting myself to form a coherent sentence right now.

'I'm sorry Catherine.'

The words are out of my mouth before I really think about why I'm saying them. I know I don't really have anything to apologise for, but I feel like I should anyway. When Catherine reaches across the table and takes my hands in her own I know everything is alright. Now, if she could only tell me why she's here...

'Come to DC with me.'

Oh, shit. Is she for real?

'Before you say no, just hear me out OK? They're opening a crime lab in DC and with my experience I've been charged with finding supervisors for days, swing and nights. You can choose which shift you want...but I work days mostly.'

She finishes her sentence with a wink but I can only sit across from her with what I assume is a dumbfounded look on my face. Is this really happening? She wants me to move to DC with her? The silence stretches on as I'm too shocked to say anything and I can see her growing more uncomfortable the longer it takes me to say something.

'It was just a suggestion Sara, don't worry about it. Really, it's OK.'

She drains the rest of her coffee and starts rummaging in her purse for some money. I know she's about to leave me here and I need to get my ass in gear but I'm still so shocked that I simply sit and watch as she walks out the door. I can see her in the window walking across the parking lot to her car and she's got her hand on the door before I finally sort myself out and fly out the door after her. She's just opening the door of her car when I reach her and I push the door closed again before pressing her back against it with my own body. She's shocked, to say the least, but not as shocked as when I press my lips against hers in a passionate kiss. I hear her moan slightly and that only spurs me on. When oxygen finally becomes an issue we break apart and I rest my forehead against hers, her breath tickling my chin.

'Is that a yes?'

She's so beautiful, looking up at me with hope in her eyes. How can I ever refuse this beautiful woman anything at all? I nod my head in confirmation and she squeals before wrapping her arms and legs around me. I have to move quickly to catch her and I swing her round in the parking lot as we laugh together. It looks like I'm moving to DC, because I'm never walking away from this woman ever again.


End file.
